x = closure
I have traveled to and from many locations, and have passed by Los Angeles landmarks. Between stops I tend to reflect on life's incidents, while staring out the metro's looking glass. On these rides I witness many different types of people, families, and couples. So, I tend to contemplate around the lessons of my own relationship and the social ills of my family, more than once.
Recently, nearly after 10 years of separation and divorce; we found ourselves discussing the root causes of our internal conflict with one another; mother, father and son. Issues that kept the heads of the family at major discomfort and moments of leaving our seeds without sensible parents.
There are many relationships labeled complicated, not only between husband and wife, but also between the children and their parents. No one truly talks about this and we associate around others almost as nothing is wrong; but there are families truly lost in translation around you. It came to a point for us... after experiencing more discomfort, diving head first into work, and the seed beginning to ignore and/or burying emotions not expressing true thoughts. All of this can and have affected our mental and physical performance, one way or another.
This journey at times was like a turbulent flight that only served peanuts and no water. After a few court battles, injuries and the loss of self-esteem; changing this narrative and shifting its paradigm toward forgiveness or at least a more sensitive understanding slowly began its approach.
"the bad shapes us and the good rewards us"
Our relationship was good at one time. Experiencing different joys and evolutionary growth as individuals. Early in the marriage; I took on a new spiritual direction and became a social entrepreneur, which re-iterated my personal views on life; but I was still naive immature about knowledge. The woman's livelihood became more stable; subsequently she did not know how to deal with her husband's choices and their son found strength on the court, but had problems with his parents' outcomes on the home field. Then the system broke down into discomfort and became difficult.
Basically we were your average working couple with children; but did not have true support and/or marriage mentors for guidance and direction. Not until we experienced more of life's lessons, did we begin to better apply spirituality more wisely. Also learning to express our thoughts in a more enhanced respectful manner - only then light began to appear. This light is necessary in order to maintain new life, opportunities, and progress; without having the guilt of failure hover over us.
- how many of you are living within an unresolved situation
- while your mental and physical state is deteriorating
- Are you getting along with your teenager or is he/she spending every weekend with relatives or school friends away from home? Well the following definition is necessary to approach...
This is when everyone involved has to "Step Up or Step Back" and practice "Intent and Impact" guarding oneself from one's self with discipline curving the angered frustration, for the sake of achieving progress. Not for reconciliation, but to strengthen individual morale behavior and heal a person's hearts. Each member set aside emotional tempers, blind tunnel vision, and release buried feelings. Simply focused on speaking an open truth of sincerity. It's work in progress and takes more than one attempt. For us it took countless lonely nights, another failed relationship, and to become emotionally truthful. Yep, all this for the Passenger's family to have closure.
clo·sure/ˈklōZHər/ An act or process of closing something, esp. an institution, thoroughfare, or frontier, or of being closed.
Things learned along the way...
- "Allah (proper Arabic word for God) will not change the condition of a people, until they change the condition in their hearts"
- Be the change you want to see, and seek humility to achieve respect
- Understand others to understand yourself
- Do not over-stand or under-stand but comprehend indicating factors with consideration
- Newly married couples should have a mentoring couple who have time and experience true advice
- Beware aware of taking advice from your single disgruntle friends
- and Basically - Grow up!
Passenger on Wisdom Wednesday, about the way he challenged the unfair treatment on women of color.
Grow with the Passenger as he travels and share his life times, family, love and more. This was a sneak peek into the new series from the disruptive mind of WhoopWoop! ® Follow us on Twitter for series updates.
Wisdom Wednesday are thoughts for social conversations and the sharing of honest opinions, ideals, and Wisdom. All of us have a value worth sharing; it may motivate another to stop, continue and/or begin a certain process in our personal or social development.
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Yea...very happy to see the return of the passenger!"Step-up or step-back"...is a powerful statement, and I think most of us cause ourselves more grief than anyone else because we don't know when to do one or the other...or we know which one we should do but for whatever reason we don't and the impact of that decision can take us far away from our original intent.ReplyDelete
Very articulate expression of key things needed to repair, maintain and grow a relationship. I really hope that BOTH men and women listen and learn from your experience. It would be great if we could extend these things beyond our immediate family relationships and even into community life(ie getting pass the salaams campaigne)that would be awesome! But it is imperative to begin at home.
Good stuff...can't wait to see what the next stop brings. We can learn a lot from riding the metro,lol!!!!
Umm Bayinnah, we appreciate your insightful commentary. Please share our blog-ver-sa-tions with your social network of friends. Many episodes happen on the metro...lol thanksDelete
Brother you are deep indeed, I have lived with my husband for over 23 yrs of my life and to be open and honest we had some issues of infidelity on his part but I stayed in the relationship because I believed things would change (remember I was taught by my grandmother to pick one and stick with them cause some wrong with all of them) and it did, he grew older and wiser! By that time our children were older. Now for some reason mother goose wants to have fun but not loose focused on her familyDelete
An interesting candid comment and we appreciate you Anonymous. Please join our community and share with your social network of friends, thank you...Delete
Go let loose mother goose, just don't go crrrazy lol but seriously, marriage is a JOBDelete
I really wish we had more of these "blogversations" about relationsips, so we can all learn from each other. I have hardly been married as long as the lady in the last post, but why should i have to go through all the things my older and wiser sisters have been through if i can help it!!!!!!!ReplyDelete
I know its different strokes for different folks but dang, can somebody help us younger sisters out? Thanks for starting this blog, Im hooked now. Good advice from the brother, now any sisters have anything to add? I'd like to think that my journey will only get better from here. Signing off~desperately in need of help with relationships.
"Newly married couples should have a mentoring couple who have time and experience true advice"Delete
Not an easy task these days maintaining a relationship. A union takes on a new dynamic and becoming accustomed to new mutual behaviors.
Hopefully there's an existing couple of experience we can trust and seek some guiding advice from. Communication and openness is going your pillow of comfort.Have patience and keep asking for guidance.
Please share us with your social network of friends and thanks.
As Salaamu Alaikum sister!Delete
LIke I said above, marriage is WORK - A REAL JOB WITHOUT A DOUBT. But that does not mean you have to suffer. Like the brother said, seek out some trustworthy advice and work it out :) No1 wants to suffer, right?
The key word was Want! I didn't intend to stray away from the topic of the passenger and The closer of his relationship.I'm not apologising for what I stated earlier but I'll try giving an explanation of why I said what I said! I am a Woman filled with Binah.trust me anyone who has been with one man for 23 years will not as willingowns opened to tell the truth about they're relationship! That's why I remain named anonyomus! I choose to Maintain my union even though my husband was suspected of cheating more than once because I wanted to Preserve my marriage which isn't Not such a bad idea I forfeited alot! now that I'm in the forth chapter of my life part of me Wants to be loose but through conversing I haven't! This is only a Snapshot of what works for me right here right now! I pray for self controlReplyDelete
To the young women I encourage you to not get a man of the world! just like I tell my daughters be sure the brother you chose to make a commit of marriage with has a relationship with God first( if he is loves God he'd know how to love himself and you as well) my husband is and was always a provider and a Great father to our children my good times Outway the bad!No black eyes just emotional abuse I've spoken to My Husband too and he has ask that I forgive him I am certain my hormones plays a big part.and to the brother who thinkS I made a candid
remark, Peace my Dearest brother like I said before
I chose to pick one a stick by him. On th Most woman GO out and get there needs met! I know a diverse Group of married women! Marriage is what you make of it! Life itself is challenging, continue to share and celebrate your ability to love! My love isn't
microwavable. Again I just wanted to express y experience with my marriage I never meant to get off topic Of The Passenger Series and closer! Peace
Sister Anonymous, this dialogue is much appreciated and even though your context was not mentioned within the blog-ver-sa-tion; it fits the context within so many relationships and communities across the nation.ReplyDelete
We are asking for more people of experience to speak, providing insight for those who may need it- thank you for pioneering this move. Remain anonymous and guard yourself and family's comfort.
This blog was created so an audience can Create-A-Voice around relevant urban social topics.
West West and WhoopWoop, The Passenger!